This year has proven to be pretty mad, and it is still going strong.
Besides a pandemic that has struck all over the world, we stay home 24/7 except for the park, doctor, and grocery runs. Ok, I admit we also make some get out of the house runs to REI (our new hiking passion) and Marshalls (I love the candles!). But seriously, that is about it. Oh, we get Mexican take-out from our favorite restaurant also. 😉
What else, besides COVID?
We also have some internal stuff going on that has proven to be the worst waiting game we have ever played. Four months and counting…
Especially when sitting at home 24/7 and not focusing on anything but analyzing this specific problem. I am trying to stay rational, realistic, optimistic, with some outbursts of complete disillusionment and giving up on humanities’ decency and humility.
It has been challenging.
Sooner or later, it is all coming to a close, and I hope it is very soon now because I am too exhausted to even think about it anymore.
Introvert Deals with Problems Differently
As an introvert, I like to analyze problems all by myself. I rarely seek guidance from the outside (except my husband, but only because he is in the same boat as I am right now).
I feel like I am my own best counselor in most situations and analyze all kinds of different scenarios’ pros and cons.
Right now, I cannot wait for all this to be over because I cannot find any more solutions or different viewpoints with or without help.
One Door Shuts, the Other one Opens
I know if all this had happened a few years ago, I would be a complete mess right now. Probably crying all the time and giving up on any kindness in the world. This whole issue seems a repeat of 2012, where something very similar happened to us.
Life is hard.
It did not go our way back then. And one year later, we finally realized why that was and that the back then issue became a huge blessing in disguise.
But I am not a mess anymore because of outside things that I can not control or force to go my way.
If something is meant to be, it will. And if not, although you want it so very much, it will not.
It still hurts because you do not understand why it was not meant to be right now, although it seems so right. But for the long haul, the door shuts because it is protecting you.
I have grown tremendously in the last few years, knowing who I am and acknowledging my strengths and weaknesses and what I stand for.
Forcing things to happen, ignoring your gut instinct to please others, and not staying true to yourself has never helped me in my life.
If it does not work out, it is hard to accept, and I am sure I need some days of crying and feeling miserable, but it is meant to be.
I wholeheartedly believe in that.
An Introvert Living with COVID
I also acknowledge that the last six months have been hard on me because of COVID.
Not so much the fact that I want to be more socially involved (I still do not have that urge), but because sitting on top of each other 24/7 has proven to me that I can not always have my routine and that I need to loosen up at times.
Currently, my husband goes to the office once a week, sometimes twice, and I enjoy having the house all to myself so much. It’s like a mini-vacation! Is that bad?
Not answering questions, not being interrupted, not having to soak up that other person’s emotional status of the day, but only dealing with my own self.
Reading this probably does not sound nice to many people, but that is how I function. I need my alone time to be a better version of myself, being open to talk again about the same issue we have already talked about 1000 times before, and feeling empathy for the other person.
Especially with our current issue going own, I celebrate being alone. I sometimes sit there and listen to anything. And it is so lovely.
I do not ever feel lonely being myself. Even being alone weeks at a time. My brain has many inner monologues going on; and that always makes me feel stimulated. I do not need the outside to feel whole. And I believe that is one of my biggest strengths in life.
I am whole all by myself.
Acknowledging Who You Are
I am not saying I am perfect the way I am. Like I mentioned above, I need to work on myself. Being more sensitive to other people’s needs in moments, I do not feel like giving.
But I feel like life always allows you to work on yourself and become a better version of yourself. And I am committed to continuing to follow that path of growth, every day.
Sometimes it works, and sometimes it does not.
But I am trying, and that is all that matters.